Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
