....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
