She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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