chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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