you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
