She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
