I will die if light touches me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
