if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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