Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Boobs speak an international language.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
