I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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