After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
thus making me awesome and them whores
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
