I could make wine with my vomit
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
