my text book just quoted the cookie monster
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
