Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
