WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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