I think I died a long time ago.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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