Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
