If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
