I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
