i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
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You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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