It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
