Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
