I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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