it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
