I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
