Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
