i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
