I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I smell stomach acid.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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