my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
