All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
