So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
