i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
