my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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