He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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