My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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