you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
