My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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