drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
