She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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