eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
