I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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