weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They took my balls.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
