just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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