Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
