dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Randomize
