I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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