Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
