Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That accounts for only three of the penises
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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