so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
