My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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