i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So vagazzling was a success
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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