He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
