if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize