it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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