3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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