At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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