i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
