sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
