Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
