She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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