God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
