i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This toilet bowl is my home.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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