My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
