my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
